Home

During my recent long trip to India, I realized I finally have the answer to the question (for now) about where is 'Home' for me...

'Home' for many is by default the place of birth/country of birth/ and most often ONE place that remains rather constant. This does not apply to me. 

At this point and phase of my life, I have two places I call 'Home.' 

1. Bangalore, India 

2. Wiesloch, Germany 

Incidentally neither of these places happen to be associated to my birth. They just happen to be places that make me FEEL like home. 

I find comfort, I feel safe, I feel a sense of belonging contributed by very many factors. 

I was born in Delhi, India but I do not have any affinity to the city anymore. 

I was reminded of the very relatable TED talk of Pico Iyer about this topic. 

The fear

Living far away from elderly parents, if there was one fear that played in my mind, it was that of not being there for them in their last moments.

Perhaps its true when some people believe that your fears often come true cos it uses so much of your energy. Thats what happened. I lost my dad on 7th november, while I was 'busy' with my professional commitments.

That morning when I woke up and got an SMS from him, he told me he wasn't feeling too well. As I was running late for my commitments, I replied, "i'll call later."
The 'later' never happened!

The voice and words of my neighbor informing me of his death on the phone still wakes me up at night. Its etched in my brain forever perhaps.

Its really hard to loose someone that cannot be replaced. The truly 'unconditional' love I received from all along will be something I cherish forever.

Here's to growing up and overcoming (yet another) fear in life. 

Spirituality...

Many people from the 'west' come to India seeking 'spirituality.'

My discoveries along the spiritual path has also been interesting. As always, the values are easy to grasp but very challenging to make them an integral part of one's day to day life. My sincere attempts to do so has SO FAR brought me to a stage where I do not think I can successfully implement each one of them every time because the larger society, norms and templates of right/wrong, good/bad are all wired differently - most often conflicting.

Ironically, a few days ago, I realized that it seems to be relatively easier FOR ME to implement these values in an 'alien' and 'western' country that I live in right now. Strange eh?

• Accept people as they are: It's fascinating that India is such a diverse country but I do not believe there is a national identity to it. In my opinion its also a very divided country. Being married into a totally different internal culture shocked me more of our differences, prejudices than my first experience of being out of my country. These divisions are used and deepened by people with vested interests - so much that the country spends more time discussing differences than similarities and how to bond.

• In contrary, in Germany, my work place has hundreds of different nationalities working together. I have colleagues and friends from different countries and religions. I like them all and there are stronger bonds I feel (despite our differences) than I feel towards some of my fellow Indians.

• Its sadly only a few very special friends back home with who I feel bonded - interestingly, only few are of a similar background as me :)

• Saying "try" causes stress: In India, 'try' is the operating word because it sounds polite. In Germany it's highly appreciated to be honest and give a clear 'yes/no' when its possible.

• Don't be a football to other's opinion: In India, you have to be ready to be labelled as a rebel and many other things to follow this approach. "What will people say/think" is what drives very many decisions.

• In Germany, 'its okay to have one's personal perspective and take a stand.'

"You think more money, bigger house, bigger car is success? Without knowing what success is, everyone wants to be successful," Sri Sri Ravishanker.

I personally never considered this to be the definition of success for me. But many of my friends in India do define this as success.
On contrary, I know people and some of my friends in Germany are the ones who do not. E.g. some do not have a television at home - not because they cannot afford it. But because they choose not to have it. Their success is not defined by the large TV in the living room. Many choose to work less - thereby earn less salary to pursue a hobby that they are passionate about.

Ironically many people like me are termed 'westernized' by my fellow Indians. But looks like some of the westerners are closer (at least at face value) to the spiritual values that are preached in the Spiritual Land of India...

Interesting inter-connections...

Aspirations

Many Indian politicians promise to make Indian cities like, Singapore/Toronto/Shanghai…the inspirations are many. Usually broken promises. Majority of the Indian population always expect the government to bring about this transformation. For political parties its an agenda item. But for resident citizens it's a day to day lifestyle issue and often their role and participation is often not spoken about enough.

Indians made the choice in the last elections – towards ‘development’ –aspiring to lead the lifestyle of the ‘developed’ world. I observe that people often do not realize that behind the comfort and luxuries of the lifestyle of the developed world lie lots of regulations, compliance, adherence trust and most importantly civic responsibilities – which in my view a lot of Indians are not willing to take on themselves. As it will be seen as “loss of freedom.” Example:

• -       In Germany, Sundays are ‘quiet days.’ People are expected to be considerate towards their neighbors and not do things that would disturb. (Indian’s perspective) “I can’t be loud in a common place in my apartment building because of the neighbors? I pay rent for living here. I will do what I want in my house.”
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• -       People refrain from throwing personal garbage (coffee cups, chips packets etc.) on the streets. There are bins provided. (Indian’s perspective) “It’s the job of the government to clean the streets and pick the garbage (I throw).”
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• -       Garbage is an important topic in Europe in varying degrees. There are colored boxes for different types of garbage, there are different collectors – some only available on appointment – this ensures the right type of waste is handled the right way and potentially recycled the right way. Thereby ensuring reduced damage to the natural resources – The result of which – clean air, exceptionally clean water are enjoyed by everyone. (Indian’s response) “Oh its such a hassle. You need to pay for garbage disposal?”
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• -       Safety regulations are also very important in Europe. Neglecting them could have impacts on insurance coverage etc. (Indian’s response) “Seat belts to sit at the backseat?” :-O – Oh. It’s too tight. I can’t move. What a pain.”
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• -       There are regulations on what style to follow for buildings in specific areas, including the types of plants that can be planted, the color of the roof, the color of the satellite dish etc. This is what results in the ‘uniform’ aesthetics that makes that perfect postcards pictures of quaint European towns admired by visitors. (Indian response) “I am paying for my house. I will build it the way I want.”  

Corruption at the governance level is definitely not to be excused or justified. However, in many instances there are clear guidelines, processes and guidelines. All it requires is patience, compliance and honesty. People in India seem to forget that in a democracy the only job of a citizen isn’t that of voting, it’s also being a responsible citizen. Indian citizens residing in India are often quick to point fingers at the likes of us non-resident Indians for not contributing to the success of the country. I’d like to ask, “How responsibly are you performing the duties of being a resident citizen?”

Expat life

As I spend more time here and get insights beyond the obvious of the different aspects of systems, processes, cultures in Germany, I realize it has its own set of prejudices, judgements, rigidities and hypocrisies.

I then realized that I really like living the life of an expat because it allows me to be away from these aspects of my own culture and I can also stay relatively away from those of the country of residence. While being neither here nor there has its negatives, this is perhaps the positive side of it.

I will always be an outsider (everywhere) to be pulled into the depths of the society. Nobody will really care to do so and this makes it easier for me to leave these complexities, move on and focus on more important things in life.

Anyway, populist societal believes are always too black and white, judgmental and templatized while the greater part of life are different shades of gray, uncertain, relative and contextual.  

Media reach

Earlier this week, I surprised myself about my ability to converse in German with a group of elderly Austrians about critical issues faced in India - the new Prime Minister, safety of women in India etc.

While it was no surprise to me that every one knew about the recent elections and the new Prime Minister - his 'hindu bias', I was extremely surprised to learn that this group even knew about the recent rape case in Badaun. While rape in India is now a global news item, I wasn't aware that every such incident was reaching a global audience. This group was aware of the details of this case...

Over the course of the discussion, it struck me that the caste issues associated to this might be the reason this news piece made it international - to reassure the world that India is still ridden with this problem.

These conversations played in my mind long after they were over. Perspectives on the way the world views India is always interesting to me.

Its ironic that given India (so far) functions largely despite the governance, Indians love talking, debating, arguing about their Political points of views. It takes almost nothing to get Indians started on this topic.

In the years I have spent in Germany, rarely have I been caught in a charged up discussion about the different parties, personal preferences, opinions...All that I know about the political parties are mainly through feeding my own curiosity and some light hearted conversations over lunch.
This could be because I am not a local, people might believe I don't know enough to include me in the conversations. But we Indians don't seem to care. We subject everyone to our individual preferences about the politicians, political parties...while the audience sits and observes a fierce debate :D

I was conversing with Austrians about Indian politics. I had absolutely NO clue about Austrian politics. So does India for its exotic and uniqueness get covered more in the International news?
Sure India is an emerging economy. But so is Brazil, South Africa, Russia...what makes media talk more about India (e.g. BBC, Al Jazeera) compared to others?

I wonder...

Inspiration

Starting spring all through good weather days, this old lady religiously comes to work on her piece of land behind our apartment - tiling, planting, weeding, cutting, watering...she spends many hours there and it seems like its something she enjoys. 

People her age back in India rarely do anything that they enjoy at a personal level. They would rarely do anything that involves as much physical effort. The mentality would be that of life coming to an end...

From the way she walks, I can tell she perhaps has troubles with her knees and even her back, yet she does all this back breaking work, all by herself. She inspires me - to be like her when I am that age - find the joy in doing things that interests me...do everything in my control to physically be in a position to do so.

There is often a strange sense of pleasure every time I see her driving up her car to the piece of land, to see her going about her work. I look forward to seeing her :)