Learning by introspection: 1

It is close to 1.5 yrs of living in Germany for me. The 'starry' eyed and 'settling down' phase is over. I am now in the phase of introspecting on what am I learning, what am I achieving...what do I value being here.

I have been experiencing how my friends here go about with their life. Their priorities, their thinking, their approach to things. Ive met some of the older generation too...
While there are lots of similarities, there are lots of differences too. The different cultural, society set up calls for a different lifestyle and perspective to life.

As a result of experiencing all this, one of the things I have learnt (even more) is not to be judgemental about things. Knowing that there are DIFFERENT ways of doing things, of looking at things, of thinking...tells me everyday that there is no single source of truth. In a world as diverse there can never be. Once has to understand these different perspectives and make their own sense of it before discarding it/ adopting it blindly.

Unless there is some prescribed, 'right way,' I can no longer make statements like, "hey, your thinking is wrong/ your way of doing things are wrong." I can only say that "your thinking is different from mine/ your way of doing things are different from mine." Each has its pros and cons. One makes a choice which one to discard/ adopt.

Things are too relative to be judged upon in a jiffy.

discovering myself

In the last month of being in India, I ralized one more reason (among others) why I like living in Germany.


My parents always encouraged me to make my own choices in life. I was encouraged to use my freedom responsibly from a very early age. As I began to question things around me and make my own sense of things, I realized that somehow I never went in the direction of following the 'perceived' norms. Not because I was a rebel without a cause, but it just so happened that MOST often, norms were not convincining enough for me to follow them.

• Norm = focus on academics and getting high marks
  My path = mix academics (do reasonably well) with extra curriculars


• Norm = serious sports is not a place for girls
  My path = I was in every sports team in my school. I went through a Sports Authority of India cricket camp where I got trained by members of the Indian Cricket team. I played badminton every night with a bunch of men in our apartments in Delhi. (was obviously the only woman playing with them)
  I still play this sport religiously 2-3 times a week in Nussloch :)


• Norm = If interested in music, girls should be learning classical music
  My path = I learnt classical music, but sang in the western music band of my school.


• Norm = Girls should stay home as much as possible and learn to excel in household chores.
  My path = a totally outdoor person.


• Norm = Girls should always have long hair and wear 'girly' clothes
  My path = sported a very short hair cut. jeans and tee shirt was almost like a uniform.


• Norm = Be true to your religion. Follow rituals.
  My path = Be spiritual, try to be an honest and good human being ( i have my own definitions of this too)


• Norm = Take the educational path of science/ engineering
  My path = Took up humanities and arts.

This list goes on...


At the end of the day, I was definitely not a 'role model.' Many parents would not let their children become too friendly with me fearing I would influence them. I never cared because I happened to be around like minded friends - very few in number, but very true friends.

• I was always percieved as someone who is frivilous with life.
• Who wont be able to manage a house
• cant cook n clean. If required, at max I could cook an omlette.

All of these prejudices were bestowed on me simply because of:

• how I looked
• because I choose the paths I did
• i was not pretentious and superficial
• i was not hypocritical
• i was not very talkative

I lived with these prejudices all my life. Fought them, accepted them, eventually learnt to deal with them.


Finally I am in a place where the norms are different. These prejudices are not relevant anymore. V and I jointly set up our home from scratch. Not sure about what others think about it, but I am satisfied with how I am able to manage our home among all the other tasks we are to do ourselves in this DIY country. Tasks which all my fellow indians get done by paying someone.
I have definitely been cooking a LOT more than just omelletes.

When I describe a 'day in my life' in Germany to people here (in India), they are quite surprised. Perhaps because they never believed that this person who they had written off would be capable of doing all of this. Making things worse, they realize I still do all of this with my individuality. Since individuality something that is so hard to swallow (culturally) for Indians, they find new ways to break my self confidence. E.g.

• All the 'non-indian' dishes I try cooking are all branded as 'silly' things to cook and eat. :D
• Since I use gadgets that are meant to make our lives easier (and not follow ancient ways of doing something), I dont know how to do anything/ I simply dont do a good job.

I couldnt help but smile and tell myself, I never was in the race to prove anything to anyone else. But the opportunity of setting up a whole new life; home; making new friends; understanding, accepting and respecting a new culture has somewhere deep down, given me a higher self esteem and a much broader perspective to things. Hence, I will always cherish this phase of my life - the phase where I can live without all those prejudices - the phase of being "me."


As for some Indians, I will always been seen as a maverick.

annual vacation

have not been motivated to write anything here off late.
have been going through a lot in our first trip back 'home' as husband and wife. ceremonies, rituals, traditions, relatives, sweets, crowds, arguments, fights, discussions, debates, food for thoughts, change, friends, struggles at work, treatments, stupid soaps on TV, new age Bollywood movies, emotions, pragmatism...a lot to deal with in a month.

a lot of things are running in my mind, but i have no time to bring them together and blog.
trying to spent as much time as possible with mom and dad before we fly back on Saturday night.