Good riddance to 2013! phew!

I'm not deeply into astrology, but this is what it said about 2013 for Librans:

2013 brings you nothing short of a total rebirth, Libra. You can finally bid farewell to the heavy and austere presence of Saturn in your stars since late 2009.

Well. Rebirth indeed. Life changed permanently for me. My mom boosted my life by donating one of her kidneys to me. A kidney transplant is not an easy treatment to deal with. It is indeed a life changing illness that's now a reality for my life time. 

It's been a rather unpleasant year not only for me but also many others around me :(. It was particularly hard to keep myself from slipping into negativity.

• if kidney donation wasn't enough, my mom suffers a stroke and undergoes another surgery. was very hard for me to see her in her condition through my own recovery process. 
• a friend's father's cancer got worse
• a friend lost her new born 
• a friend lost his father
• a team mate at work passed away of cancer 
• a colleague got diagnosed cancer while being pregnant...

While there were relatively smaller incidents in 2013 that would otherwise have been reasons to celebrate, there were no real celebrations through the year.

Overall, in the process of living life and dealing with everything life has to offer, 2013 has by far been the most testing year for me. 

I am more than happy to be back in Germany - to our (current) home; to our own space and begin the countdown to see this year end.

I know, there's no guarantee that years to come will be better :) 

Is the doctor worried?

If there's one thing I've understood about the German (public) health system, it is:

'If the doctor is worried about my health condition, he/she will act as soon as possible and everything will suddenly start working (almost in a frenzy) and then I have something to worry about.'
If the doctor is not worried, then I should not be worried either.

So long! 

Finding my footing

Returning back to work after a long time is a strange feeling because (as expected) people and things seem to have moved on - without me.

• People have become used to not having me around 
• Ways have been found to get things done without me 
• Some others have taken over stuff I used to do

It's business as usual for everyone else. It's me who needs to find my place again amongst my team - where can I bring value (if so)...it takes time. After all, its true that nobody is indispensable.

"No such thing as bad weather..."

One of the first things I heard from my German friends and colleagues many years ago was, "there's no such thing as bad weather. Only bad clothes."
For someone coming from India where complaining about the weather is a pass time, this was a thought provoking statement. As I spent time in Germany, I even started to see some truth in this statement.

Recently I was back in India and spent many months - spanning multiple seasons. Now I can say,  I do not quite agree with this statement. People start terming a certain weather 'bad' based on multiple factors - their own preparedness to deal with it and how prepared their surrounding environment is to deal with it. Clothes play a very minor role in this. In countries like India where there are serious infrastructural problems, weather is commonly perceived as bad because it starts impacting a person's ability to carry on their day to day chores. Condition of the road, electricity, water shortage etc get seriously hampered with different weather patterns.

Right clothing for weather is something that does not even occur to people.
So, 'bad' is a valid perception of weather indeed!

Back in Germany and to work

After almost 8 months of being away - sick, we got back to Germany on 20th September and I officially joined back work as of 1st October 2013.

This was the longest time I had been away from work in 15 years of my career.

Through this difficult time, it was a blessing to have an extremely supportive employer, extremely supportive and caring team mates n colleagues and an indispensable set of friends n family.

Our family in India was there by our side all through. A couple of months pre and post surgery gave us some quality time with our friends in India too. Despite the distance, our friends and colleagues in Germany were in constant touch and continued to make us feel cared for by their support; small, unexpected gestures and sometimes even some big favors.

• Our friends created a small video to say they missed having us around
• My team sent me a bunch of flowers and a card
• My team mates would often call/ email to check how I was doing
• A colleague saved up a Lindt chocolate until the day I returned back to work
• A huge poster on the wall 'welcome back' and a card, signed by my team members greeted me at my workstation
• ...

Its great to be back in relatively better health. I am looking forward to my health getting progressively better - keeping my fingers crossed. Thank you all for being there for me and caring for me. I am honored and touched.

Points to ponder about

The youth of today want to live and work in big cities. Yes! I agree.
The priorities of young professionals is very different from that of a middle/senior. Often for young professionals, it is quicker, faster ways to make money, learn and grow.
Loyalty is not something on top of their mind at this point in time.

• So, in todays world, what role does loyalty play?

When professionals young/old, work in an environment with limitless opportunities around them (often big cities), it is unfair to keep them from exploring these opportunities. This means retention becomes a very big challenge for the talent development teams. Employee attrition will be high.

• So, can we stop complaining about the 'investments' made to train people and simply accept that they will leave regardless? Or do we now get bonds signed?
• What innovations are the talent development teams going to come up with retain the best talents? Because we all know that its the best talent that tends to leave first.

While people are increasingly moving to live and work in cities, many are doing to not by choice but because that's where the opportunities are. Sad but true. I learnt from my Chinese colleague that a middle class person cannot THINK/DREAM of owing an apartment in Shanghai in his lifetime.
Being from Bangalore, I know first hand the kind of urban sprawl happening - colleagues spend several hours on the roads stuck in traffic everyday to commute to office and back. Leaving no time for them to do anything else.
I know my friends and colleagues in Bangalore who are desperately trying to squeeze some time out and seeking that BALANCE in their life so the do not get enslaved to their jobs.
I can speak confidently about this situation in Bangalore but I wont be surprised if this is the case with most people who live and work in the big/mega cities of the emerging markets.
(Owing to the mess India is in currently, will we tend to loose out on this race despite having the youngest population?)

The youth that are today choosing to live and work in cities wont remain youth forever. Someday they will decide to 'settle' down and I know most often in this phase, the priorities tend to shift towards owing a house, raise kids, live close to the kids school, get time to spend with the family etc.
I am not sure how many cities in the world can really offer this (there may be some exceptions). (This is what I found pleasantly surprising and appreciative of Germany - people had the choice to live in smaller towns and yet have good job opportunities)

• So, what happens to the favourite 'work life balance' jargon that we keep hearing about at almost every employer of choice surveys?

I am surprised and disappointed that corporates have not found a way to successfully integrate the demographics of young and old more successfully. So much for diversity eh? Diversity isn't restricted to song and dance, food and clothes. It is meant to respect all aspects of differences without being judgemental about them.
 

Exiting physically/ mentally

I read an interesting article today about The Exit of the Middle Class (Indians).
The author writes, 'Middle class disenchantment is not new.  But in recent times, I do believe it has grown to fierce proportions.'

I belong to the same group of 'middle class' that has physically exited India and living in Germany and I seem to share this observation. This is just based on looking around the number of fellow Indians who have also moved near us in Germany and to other parts of the world. Indians moving abroad is also not a big deal but in my observation, more and more middle aged and even older people are moving abroad at so called 'later' stages in life.

Years ago, it was mostly the young generation that aspired to study/work abroad and perhaps settle down there. Most people gave up any such plans once they got married, got their feet stuck in the ground with a home loan and finally when they had kids that started going to school.
On the other hand, families that lived abroad used to consider returning to India when their children needed to start schooling.

But now I see a lot of families in this phase of their life moving abroad, especially stating the reason, 'for the sake of our children.' Not to mention the salaries in a different currency eases the debts etc. I know multiple families who have made conscious decisions to move abroad with their kids, enrol them in International schools (that cost a lot in these countries) so they can get a balanced education and opportunities to explore other talents as well.

For those middle class living in India and 'exiting mentally' its no wonder that there is such a rush for premium gated communities - Spanish villas, New York styled loft apartments...and the big big business of International Schools all over urban India. These International schools are expensive, independent from the prescribed school system of India and perhaps provide the flexibility for parents to and students to transfer from one such school to another (if need be) anywhere in the world. Also might prepare the students better to compete internationally post school ?
Most of all, they promise an education that is not purely academics oriented - the reputation Indian education system has.

Almost every aspect of life in India (education, infrastructure, resources, gender, safety, economy....) is a ticking time bomb. With ONE life to live, for those need to think of the future of their children, is there much of an option left?

Not many of those who like to wear their patriotism on their sleeve will agree and accept the fact that they have indeed mentally exited!

Achievements amidst crisis

At a time in my life when I face diverse scenarios of difficulties, I'd like to note that amidst it all, I managed to achieve some things too:

• 8th May, 2013 I received confirmation from the examinations administrator, Said Business School, University of Oxford that I have been awarded the Diploma in Strategy and Innovation. I was very pleased with the marks I got too. I had worked very hard through 2012 through this and the final leg of the thesis submission was the toughest - to manage it along side being sick with my kidney disorder. I could not have done it without the support of some people.
  
  I did miss attending the convocation ceremony in Oxford on 22nd June - something I looked forward to attending. My post kidney transplant recovery phase just seemed more important than that. All the social media updates from my classmates on one hand filled me in with all the details on another hand made me miss the event even more. *sigh!!*
• 28th June 2013. The 2 bedroom apartment in Marathahalli, Bangalore, India is finally MINE!! It no longer belongs to the bank. I cleared off the loan and I am now finally the sole owner of this apartment. In 1997, when I started earning my own salary, my mom had given me a piece of advice, "make sure you have a house that's just your own somewhere in the world." Yes mom. I have one now. It took some time, but its here.

Under normal circumstances, these achievements would have called for a nice celebration. Unfortunately, my health condition and family situation overshadows these achievements and there aren't any celebrations.

As I practice the philosophy of living in the 'now' - I like take this moment and feel a wee bit proud of myself.

Once again, thanks for all the forces that worked in my favour and special people who have been with me to help me get here. The past few years in Germany definitely contributed in making it a little easier for me to achieve these goals.

Deep rooted problems

Just how deep rooted is gender discrimination in India?
- the local revenue accountant ( a government of India employee) says there is no need to mention the names of daughters when drawing out a family tree

- the local police constable who has to verify our identity and residence finds it strange that my husband lives in the same house as his in-laws and asks additional interrogatory questions. (the norm being my husband and I should either be living with his parents or be living on our own)

- even though the donor's husband has given consent, the donor's son has also to give his no objection. Ofcourse if the donor had just daughters they would not ask for such things.

'happy women's day'!!!

Deprived of basic rights in a foreign land

“It’s Tuesday, there wont be any cops today to check,” said one man to another, goading him to carry on drinking despite having to drive back home.

So, for this guy, the absence of a cop is of higher significance than driving under the influence of alcohol.

The absence of a cop is of higher significance than being responsible for his own life and life of others on the road, needless to say, his family who might be waiting for him at home.

Ironically, in reality for his breed of highly educated, urban, upper middle class (rich), young, brash Indians, even the presence of a cop makes absolutely no impact because all they have to do is pay the cop a few hundreds and get by.

This guy is a very well educated, software engineer that has worked in the best of international companies, has travelled abroad. But chooses to live in India. This is why he loves his own country.

A lot of such Indian men I know choose to live in India/ want to get back to India in the name of patriotism and/or the cliché’ of ‘that’s the emerging market – that’s where the growth is. India is shining.’

To me at the heart of this ‘wear on my sleeve’ patriotism it is none of this.

To me, at the heart of this is to enjoy some of the basic rights and freedom that these men are deprived of in foreign countries. e.g:

• It is the ‘freedom’ to be able to bottle down as much alcohol as you wish…pay a bribe to a cop and get away on a high...
• It’s the ‘freedom’ to travel alone to hinterlands without fearing of being raped and murdered. Doing many such things that only a man can enjoy.
• It is the ‘freedom’ to be able to pinch the bottom of a woman in a bus, get some cheap thrills of it and not have any implications what so ever…
• It’s the ‘freedom’ to leach at women and/or pass lewd comments and have some fun at her expense…
• It's the 'freedom' to be under 18, brutally rape someone and be free in 3 months for being a minor 
• It’s the ‘freedom’ to return to a ‘hotel like home’ after a hard days work where some one has prepared the food, set it on the table, washed the clothes, ironed them…so these men can go back fresh for another hard day at work.
•  It is the joy of being treated like a king by the mother and in future the ‘in-laws’ for being the son and son in law respectively. 
• It is the joy of having another other gender to be called a wife who ‘provides’ and ‘serves’ – dotes on every word uttered by the man, has been taught not to ever question HIS authority.
• It's the 'freedom' that being a man, one can bully, threaten his way out of things or manage the corrupt processes where sheer arm wrestling can get things done. 
• It's the possibility to shout at a louder voice and make all the other voices shut up 
• Basically, it is the ‘freedom’ to walk, head held high in pride, pumped up chest and enjoy getting away with anything for being the superior gender. 
•  The joy of truly LIVING the ubiquitous, ‘chalta hai’ attitude, which all Indians love to hate but cannot live without.

Many of these ‘basic rights’ of Indian men are not met in western countries where over years and after many reforms and revolutions in the past, the society has become RELATIVELY tolerant to the existence of the other gender.

Who in their right frame of mind will ever want to give up on these rights and live elsewhere?

Incidentally, those that dwell on these basic rights, subscribe to them (consciously/ subconsciously) are also the ones to pretend to have a fire in their belly to change the country.

God forbid! The inferior races beware. 

(Little wonder that the inferior races try to wriggle their ways to other places eh?) 

(Recent incidents in India with respect to women's rights and a lot of discussions with various men made me write this rather sarcastic note. I do not mean to generalize. I am very fortunate that I have always had extremely open minded and supportive men around me. I continue to have them in my life. But I know there are not many like me.) 

Awaiting the Oxford alumni status

Thanks to 2 good samaritan class mates of mine, my business (thesis) project got submitted on time. I got the official confirmation of the receipt of my project from my college. (yes I can call it MY college)

Through the illness, this project proved to be a great way to keep my mind occupied with something else and something more interesting.

It feels good to have completed it despite so much going on.

It couldnt have happened without the support of V ...for keeping my focus on the project all through, Marc my professor for having gone through various drafts and providing feedback, Gautam and Isabel for submitting my project to the college on time and their enthusiasm to lift my spirits up.

Now that it's submitted, I await the results and so look forward to the graduation party in summer. I sure hope I can make it for the graduation.

And hope to get 'the' status soon too.
Feb 2012-Jan 2013, it was an awesome experience through the year.

Holistic policy making? (is that an oxymoron?)

Off late there has been a lot of news about Germany opening up to highly skilled Indian work force to address the skills gap in the country. In the last 4.5 years I have been in Germany, I have seen an increasing number of Indians relocating here.

Germany encourages these foreigners to learn the language and even offers ‘integration’ courses to learn more about the country and its culture. I highly appreciate these programs.

However, with my recent experiences with the German health system (which again relatively speaking is good), I wondered what about these systems becoming sensitive to the cultures and needs of these foreigners?

I use the word, ‘sensitize’ carefully because I do not expect whole systems to gain deep understanding of every different nationality that lives in Germany. But I do believe some basic level of sensitization (accepting diversity in the society) should go a long way.

• E.g. A sister in the University of Heidelberg Hospital (the best and most internationally diverse in Germany) will be able to find a vein in dark skin more easily without pricking me 4 times before she finally finds some blood. Only an experienced doctor gets it right the first time.

The health insurance company agrees to fund the expenses for the donor, including flight tickets, accommodation if required etc. Appreciate it. 

The kind of family orientation we have in India, there is no chance that just a patient and the donor will walk into a hospital to get a major surgery done on them. 

No an Insurance company need not spend for a big fat Indian family to fly over, however maybe some schemes/ some % can be worked out to HELP the immediate family (parents/spouse)?

A clear win-win for the German health system would be if along with opening doors for highly skilled work force of India, also sign up on collaborative health care with India (and other countries that bring tis work force). If the public health insurance system can fund for medical care anywhere in Europe, the only reason it doesn’t fund for medical care in India is because there is no official policy level agreement between the two countries.

• IMAGINE: German health officials ‘certify’ a few hospitals in every big city of India for their standard of healthcare and collaborates with them…. if this Indian work force living in Germany chooses, they can seek medical care (especially for big complicated issues) in their home country, get their family support, be in familiar environment…and be covered with the health insurance, it would be so much cheaper for the German system and satisfying for the patients.

As always, policy makers rarely think holistic. If only they did and explore possibilities, the world would indeed be more flat than it currently is.

Yes, I cannot help but think like a Design Thinker – even when I am sick. The world is full of ‘wicked problems’ to be solved and therefore full of opportunities.