beobachten (observe)

its a beautiful day here today - cant help gazing outside :)

1. its 'break time' for the kids at Merian Schule, and they are out playing in the small play area outside the school:
   - sliding down the slides...
   - hanging on parallel bars
   - run around the place chasing each other
   - the girls playing with a skipping rope
   - hop scotch...
   - jumping down from stairs
   While the world of 'computer' games have advanced so much, the things kids do outdoors has not.
2. while most kids are playing, some of 'em wearing florescent vests have put a chain and guarding the boundary of the play area and the road beside - ensuring that the kids dont run on to the street.
   - Discipline! and saftey! I recall my days of being a 'prefect' in school and had to ensure all my fellow students formed their lines properly...none were left behind.
3. the break lasts for 10 minutes, all the kids go into the school except the ones wearing the florescent vests - one brings out a can, the others bring out long sticks...its their duty to pick up pieces of  junk/scrap - dump them in the can, place their equipments in the storage area beside the cycle stand then go back into the school.
   Its great to see how early this orientation to clean up and clean up yourself is instilled. Perhaps thats where 'civic' sense training needs to start - early, in school (and at home ofcourse)

I stand 'converted'

Today I finally decided to give up my fight and struggle to share my 'outside' and 'bigger' prespectives on design among my colleagues. In the past 5 years of my career in this team, I was always 'appreciated' for doing so. My inherent hope and this encouragement kept me at it all along.

It suddenly dawned upon me that 'hey, i am not in the same set up anymore.' Somehow I remained blinded to this fact. Out of the 5 years, I spent 3.5 years with 'managers' (both line and project managers) who genuinely supported me to "ask questions", bring in "ideas" of improvement no matter how difficult they maybe, "encouraged" me to stick my finger into a can of worms if I believed, was confident that it is worth it.
While, not everything I brought up found its way to something tangible, the key thing for me was, I was never seen in 'negative' light for being so. I could be honest and give frank opinions even if they were NOT what people wanted to hear. Yet, be able to go out for dinner together with the team few hours later.

We did have pretty good successes out of this too...the typical concept of, "more the ideas, the better. there are no stupid ideas"...we truly lived it.

However, the past 1.5 year, I am in a different set up - one that is FAR MORE rigid than what I was used to. Here, things are done in a certain way because thats how it has been done since 1976...
Does not matter if it is the right thing to do
Does not matter if the world outside has changed dramatically...
We know what to do and we know it best.
There is a sea of people who believe in this approach being the "right" approach.

Therefore, any whiff of 'fresh air' is shut out completely.
Anyone who 'questions' (even has potential solutions to problems) is shunned off.

The 'culture' around me no longer encourages me to be honest, frank about things. The repurcussions of being so is not good. But ofcourse, it is 'politically' correct to say, "you should be honest. we really appreciate your honest feedback."

I finally tasted the "pinch" of salt that such a statement is loaded with.
Ive learnt my lesson.

I am now "officially" a convert to being a compliant; good employee of my company. I will finally "fit in" with the sea of people around me...I will function as 'programmed'.

ofcourse, this new, converted me, is the "face" of me that people at my workplace will see. i am too level headed to be converted to this in my heart of things ;)
the org culture cannot really kill my self-motivation. it perhaps did not deserve it. i'll figure out something that does.

'understanding' a new 'work culture'

i am trying to understand:

• what is the 'career orientation' of people here?
• how do they percieve, define, professional growth?
• in a 'normalized' set up, how is excellence differentiated from mediocrity/ under performance? (if so)
• what are their underlying motivations at work - if any? (other than salary and perks)

i realize that these aspects of a person's professional life here is very different from professionals in other parts of the world. i need to delve deeper into understanding this.

the current trough of motivation among my colleagues isnt helping!

Tight rope walking

• I am supposed to do 'Pranayama' 6-10 times in a day for 5 min each of which atleast 4 times should be with the prescribed oil.
• I am supposed to do an oil massage twice a week (in weekends)
• Eat at the same time everyday
• I should eat dinner by 7 pm
• I should be getting ready to sleep by 10 pm
• I need to spend 8 hours at work, working
• Need to sleep for 7 hours
• Cook for both of us
• Get physical activity for minimum 30 minutes everyday
• Drink minimum 7 glasses of water
• Eat 'warm' food
• Clean the apartment
• Do grocery shopping
• Eat 1 fruit everyday
• Plan vacations
• Call up and converse with families twice in a week for approx 30 min each
• Stay in touch with friends - Facebook, emails, chat
• Do paper work of Bank, insurance, medical stuff, office stuff, company car, house rental etc
• Socialize with friends
• Catch up on reading
• Manage my photos - print them, upload them, download them, frame them...
• Learn 'how tos' of a Digital SLR
• Stay up to date by listening, reading, watching the happening on the world; in my profession
• Soul search to constantly reshuffle my priorities in life
• Stay focussed on goals of my life
• Water the plants
• Relfect on my career and identify ways forward
• Worry what i would teach my child IF and when I have one
• Be there for my husband
• Drive
• Clean the car
• do the laundry

phew!! I am stressed!!

 

Obviously, I do not end up doing all of the above. In the end here's what I am SOMEWHAT able to accomplish:

• Pranayama 2 times a day all times with oil
• Body massage - maybe once in a month :(
• Sporadic physical activities :(
• Eat my meals at ALMOST regular time everyday
• Eat my dinner between 7-9. I really try to eat between 7-8 but latest by 9
• Go to bed by 11 
• Shop for groceries once a week
• Call family twice a week
• Sporadic 'reading'
• Cooking for both of us
• Working 8 hours a day at work
• Socializing with a circle of friends
• Am disorganized with my paper work
• Am constantly multi-tasking and feeling that i am neglecting something else :((

V has taken over some tasks :)
But still I desperately need to set my priorities again and manage my time more effectively. With so much in my 'to do' list, I am extremely disoriented and distracted.

The things I 'want' to do do not even figure in this list yet!!! :(

For 'health' reasons, I am told I should stay FAR AWAY from stress!! How can I accomplish that??? Would love to know!!!