Monday, February 22, 2010

I stand 'converted'

Today I finally decided to give up my fight and struggle to share my 'outside' and 'bigger' prespectives on design among my colleagues. In the past 5 years of my career in this team, I was always 'appreciated' for doing so. My inherent hope and this encouragement kept me at it all along.

It suddenly dawned upon me that 'hey, i am not in the same set up anymore.' Somehow I remained blinded to this fact. Out of the 5 years, I spent 3.5 years with 'managers' (both line and project managers) who genuinely supported me to "ask questions", bring in "ideas" of improvement no matter how difficult they maybe, "encouraged" me to stick my finger into a can of worms if I believed, was confident that it is worth it.
While, not everything I brought up found its way to something tangible, the key thing for me was, I was never seen in 'negative' light for being so. I could be honest and give frank opinions even if they were NOT what people wanted to hear. Yet, be able to go out for dinner together with the team few hours later.

We did have pretty good successes out of this too...the typical concept of, "more the ideas, the better. there are no stupid ideas"...we truly lived it.

However, the past 1.5 year, I am in a different set up - one that is FAR MORE rigid than what I was used to. Here, things are done in a certain way because thats how it has been done since 1976...
Does not matter if it is the right thing to do
Does not matter if the world outside has changed dramatically...
We know what to do and we know it best.
There is a sea of people who believe in this approach being the "right" approach.

Therefore, any whiff of 'fresh air' is shut out completely.
Anyone who 'questions' (even has potential solutions to problems) is shunned off.

The 'culture' around me no longer encourages me to be honest, frank about things. The repurcussions of being so is not good. But ofcourse, it is 'politically' correct to say, "you should be honest. we really appreciate your honest feedback."

I finally tasted the "pinch" of salt that such a statement is loaded with.
Ive learnt my lesson.

I am now "officially" a convert to being a compliant; good employee of my company. I will finally "fit in" with the sea of people around me...I will function as 'programmed'.

ofcourse, this new, converted me, is the "face" of me that people at my workplace will see. i am too level headed to be converted to this in my heart of things ;)
the org culture cannot really kill my self-motivation. it perhaps did not deserve it. i'll figure out something that does.

No comments: