Back in Germany and to work

After almost 8 months of being away - sick, we got back to Germany on 20th September and I officially joined back work as of 1st October 2013.

This was the longest time I had been away from work in 15 years of my career.

Through this difficult time, it was a blessing to have an extremely supportive employer, extremely supportive and caring team mates n colleagues and an indispensable set of friends n family.

Our family in India was there by our side all through. A couple of months pre and post surgery gave us some quality time with our friends in India too. Despite the distance, our friends and colleagues in Germany were in constant touch and continued to make us feel cared for by their support; small, unexpected gestures and sometimes even some big favors.

• Our friends created a small video to say they missed having us around
• My team sent me a bunch of flowers and a card
• My team mates would often call/ email to check how I was doing
• A colleague saved up a Lindt chocolate until the day I returned back to work
• A huge poster on the wall 'welcome back' and a card, signed by my team members greeted me at my workstation
• ...

Its great to be back in relatively better health. I am looking forward to my health getting progressively better - keeping my fingers crossed. Thank you all for being there for me and caring for me. I am honored and touched.

Exiting physically/ mentally

I read an interesting article today about The Exit of the Middle Class (Indians).
The author writes, 'Middle class disenchantment is not new.  But in recent times, I do believe it has grown to fierce proportions.'

I belong to the same group of 'middle class' that has physically exited India and living in Germany and I seem to share this observation. This is just based on looking around the number of fellow Indians who have also moved near us in Germany and to other parts of the world. Indians moving abroad is also not a big deal but in my observation, more and more middle aged and even older people are moving abroad at so called 'later' stages in life.

Years ago, it was mostly the young generation that aspired to study/work abroad and perhaps settle down there. Most people gave up any such plans once they got married, got their feet stuck in the ground with a home loan and finally when they had kids that started going to school.
On the other hand, families that lived abroad used to consider returning to India when their children needed to start schooling.

But now I see a lot of families in this phase of their life moving abroad, especially stating the reason, 'for the sake of our children.' Not to mention the salaries in a different currency eases the debts etc. I know multiple families who have made conscious decisions to move abroad with their kids, enrol them in International schools (that cost a lot in these countries) so they can get a balanced education and opportunities to explore other talents as well.

For those middle class living in India and 'exiting mentally' its no wonder that there is such a rush for premium gated communities - Spanish villas, New York styled loft apartments...and the big big business of International Schools all over urban India. These International schools are expensive, independent from the prescribed school system of India and perhaps provide the flexibility for parents to and students to transfer from one such school to another (if need be) anywhere in the world. Also might prepare the students better to compete internationally post school ?
Most of all, they promise an education that is not purely academics oriented - the reputation Indian education system has.

Almost every aspect of life in India (education, infrastructure, resources, gender, safety, economy....) is a ticking time bomb. With ONE life to live, for those need to think of the future of their children, is there much of an option left?

Not many of those who like to wear their patriotism on their sleeve will agree and accept the fact that they have indeed mentally exited!

Achievements amidst crisis

At a time in my life when I face diverse scenarios of difficulties, I'd like to note that amidst it all, I managed to achieve some things too:

• 8th May, 2013 I received confirmation from the examinations administrator, Said Business School, University of Oxford that I have been awarded the Diploma in Strategy and Innovation. I was very pleased with the marks I got too. I had worked very hard through 2012 through this and the final leg of the thesis submission was the toughest - to manage it along side being sick with my kidney disorder. I could not have done it without the support of some people.
  
  I did miss attending the convocation ceremony in Oxford on 22nd June - something I looked forward to attending. My post kidney transplant recovery phase just seemed more important than that. All the social media updates from my classmates on one hand filled me in with all the details on another hand made me miss the event even more. *sigh!!*
• 28th June 2013. The 2 bedroom apartment in Marathahalli, Bangalore, India is finally MINE!! It no longer belongs to the bank. I cleared off the loan and I am now finally the sole owner of this apartment. In 1997, when I started earning my own salary, my mom had given me a piece of advice, "make sure you have a house that's just your own somewhere in the world." Yes mom. I have one now. It took some time, but its here.

Under normal circumstances, these achievements would have called for a nice celebration. Unfortunately, my health condition and family situation overshadows these achievements and there aren't any celebrations.

As I practice the philosophy of living in the 'now' - I like take this moment and feel a wee bit proud of myself.

Once again, thanks for all the forces that worked in my favour and special people who have been with me to help me get here. The past few years in Germany definitely contributed in making it a little easier for me to achieve these goals.

Deep rooted problems

Just how deep rooted is gender discrimination in India?
- the local revenue accountant ( a government of India employee) says there is no need to mention the names of daughters when drawing out a family tree

- the local police constable who has to verify our identity and residence finds it strange that my husband lives in the same house as his in-laws and asks additional interrogatory questions. (the norm being my husband and I should either be living with his parents or be living on our own)

- even though the donor's husband has given consent, the donor's son has also to give his no objection. Ofcourse if the donor had just daughters they would not ask for such things.

'happy women's day'!!!

Deprived of basic rights in a foreign land

“It’s Tuesday, there wont be any cops today to check,” said one man to another, goading him to carry on drinking despite having to drive back home.

So, for this guy, the absence of a cop is of higher significance than driving under the influence of alcohol.

The absence of a cop is of higher significance than being responsible for his own life and life of others on the road, needless to say, his family who might be waiting for him at home.

Ironically, in reality for his breed of highly educated, urban, upper middle class (rich), young, brash Indians, even the presence of a cop makes absolutely no impact because all they have to do is pay the cop a few hundreds and get by.

This guy is a very well educated, software engineer that has worked in the best of international companies, has travelled abroad. But chooses to live in India. This is why he loves his own country.

A lot of such Indian men I know choose to live in India/ want to get back to India in the name of patriotism and/or the cliché’ of ‘that’s the emerging market – that’s where the growth is. India is shining.’

To me at the heart of this ‘wear on my sleeve’ patriotism it is none of this.

To me, at the heart of this is to enjoy some of the basic rights and freedom that these men are deprived of in foreign countries. e.g:

• It is the ‘freedom’ to be able to bottle down as much alcohol as you wish…pay a bribe to a cop and get away on a high...
• It’s the ‘freedom’ to travel alone to hinterlands without fearing of being raped and murdered. Doing many such things that only a man can enjoy.
• It is the ‘freedom’ to be able to pinch the bottom of a woman in a bus, get some cheap thrills of it and not have any implications what so ever…
• It’s the ‘freedom’ to leach at women and/or pass lewd comments and have some fun at her expense…
• It's the 'freedom' to be under 18, brutally rape someone and be free in 3 months for being a minor 
• It’s the ‘freedom’ to return to a ‘hotel like home’ after a hard days work where some one has prepared the food, set it on the table, washed the clothes, ironed them…so these men can go back fresh for another hard day at work.
•  It is the joy of being treated like a king by the mother and in future the ‘in-laws’ for being the son and son in law respectively. 
• It is the joy of having another other gender to be called a wife who ‘provides’ and ‘serves’ – dotes on every word uttered by the man, has been taught not to ever question HIS authority.
• It's the 'freedom' that being a man, one can bully, threaten his way out of things or manage the corrupt processes where sheer arm wrestling can get things done. 
• It's the possibility to shout at a louder voice and make all the other voices shut up 
• Basically, it is the ‘freedom’ to walk, head held high in pride, pumped up chest and enjoy getting away with anything for being the superior gender. 
•  The joy of truly LIVING the ubiquitous, ‘chalta hai’ attitude, which all Indians love to hate but cannot live without.

Many of these ‘basic rights’ of Indian men are not met in western countries where over years and after many reforms and revolutions in the past, the society has become RELATIVELY tolerant to the existence of the other gender.

Who in their right frame of mind will ever want to give up on these rights and live elsewhere?

Incidentally, those that dwell on these basic rights, subscribe to them (consciously/ subconsciously) are also the ones to pretend to have a fire in their belly to change the country.

God forbid! The inferior races beware. 

(Little wonder that the inferior races try to wriggle their ways to other places eh?) 

(Recent incidents in India with respect to women's rights and a lot of discussions with various men made me write this rather sarcastic note. I do not mean to generalize. I am very fortunate that I have always had extremely open minded and supportive men around me. I continue to have them in my life. But I know there are not many like me.)