Of Men and their Machines

Coming from a country and city that's notorious for its unreliable, expensive house helpers, the DIY approach in Germany was refreshing when we moved here.

In addition, we had machines that did the work of humans. Machines that we could operate at our beck and call. Machines that we could even program to operate while we slept/ went shopping, only to find clean stuff when we wanted them, magically.

For years, our visitors from India envied us for the comfort these machines provided us, for the hassles we didn't need to bear while dealing with another human being's whims and fancies. They quickly blamed the unreliable electricity in the country to console themselves when they got back to the 'drudgery' of life...

We loved our machines. We planned when they should do the job so we did our bit for the planet. We waited patiently to offload them after their tiring efforts. We pampered them, so we could have a long life together with limited troubles.

The machines gave us the spontaneous life we desired.

However, machines have their limitations too. As our own incapacities started to increase, this year, we finally decided to fill in the gaps between our limitations and those of our machines'.

We finally hired a 'putzfrau', aka a household help since June 2016.

We overlooked the very sexist job title to seek help from the wonderful P. Yes we've completed the full circle - to turn to a human being for help. She knows exactly what products to use, when and for what, for maximum effect. She finds the nooks and corners that need cleaning that only a human eye can spot. For now, she spends 2 hours with us every week. She has the knack to 'delight' her customers.

But most of all, she reassures the fact that machines can peacefully co-exist with humans.
All she demands in return is her well deserved pay and respect for the job she does.

I wish, household help in India could someday demand the same.

Let there be light

For the 1st time in 7 years, my apartment in Bangalore didn't have any celebrations for Diwali. Usually my Dad would put up the lights a couple of days before Diwali and my parents together would make some goodies at home to celebrate. 

It's rather sad to see a dark home on the festival of lights. 

I was pleasantly surprised today when I got a picture from my neighbor in Bangalore. She took the effort to light a couple of lamps in front of my apartment. 

I was really touched by their gesture. All my memories of my time spent in that apartment with my parents came flashing back in that instant. 

I actually had tears in my eyes - partly feeling grateful for having such people in my life and partly coz I missed my Dad and felt overwhelmed with all the changes since. 

It's always amazing to come across people who do small selfless acts as these. 

A milestone

Until now, a birthday didn't mean much - getting older by another year. But this time it was the end of another decade...

In Germany, the birthday ending and beginning a new decade is a special one, so we decided to follow suite and celebrate it too.

While I'm sure every other decade also had their own ups and down, but the last one has been life changing in so many different ways. It was in this decade that I:

• Decided to 'let go' of living with my parents and face life first hand. And boy, did I get a good taste of what life can be outside of one's comfort zone!! 
• Got confronted with very high degrees of criticism and dislike about the person I am and my identity. Thus started an ongoing learning in my life - Every one doesn't need to like me and I need to respect that. Perhaps even appreciate those who say so openly. 
• Bought my own property - my very own 2 bedroom apartment in Bangalore and even cleared the mortgage off all by myself. My mom always told me, "no matter what, make sure you have a small place that you own." Yes mom! :)
• Got married after many many years of patiently waiting for things to work out for us. 
• Moved to Germany - the experience of a different culture, traveling around Europe
• Managed to finish that long desired higher ed - Couldn't have been from a nicer place than Oxford. 
• Fulfilled one of my dad's long standing dreams - to travel abroad. It was great to have my mom and dad over in Germany for a visit. My Dad was so excited, we travelled to Paris, Brussels, Zurich and smaller places around in Germany. 
• Learnt a new language - not quite mastered it yet though. 
• Faced with a medical condition in 2009 - was brought under control in a couple of years. 
• Faced with yet another (bigger) medical condition in 2012. This one really hit me hard as it wasn't just an illness I needed to go through myself. But I needed someone else's immense favor to help me get through this. I stopped asking the question, 'why?' a long time back realizing its futility. This was a long drawn process and a relatively permanent one :( 
• Lost my dad out of the blue. A total shock to us all. Still trying to cope with his absence, while putting a normal face to the world coz the world doesn't let you stop and grieve...Realizing each day the many different small ways and moments that I miss him so dearly. 
• Began my tryst with spirituality...to connect with myself and seeking the deeper meaning to life

The decade taught me a lot about life (and death). Perhaps the most important learning being, to cherish the current moment. So without thinking too much into the uncertain future, I look forward to more that life has to offer for me. 

As Kieth Richards from The Rolling Stones says, "I'm not getting old. I'm evolving."

A decade with SAP

As a generation who belongs to the cusp of pre-liberalization and post-liberalized economy of India, working in a multi-national company was always a fascinating concept for me.
Switching over to join the Technology bandwagon in its early days in Bangalore was one of the better decisions I took in my life.

This gave me the opportunity to marry many different things I cared about:

• Applying my passion for design to create new things
• Being part of something 'new/innovative' 
• Yearning to travel 
• Be paid enough to support my travels ;) 

Design wasn't a very conventional (or lucrative) career path in India when I was making my choices. Little did I know then, that it would be a topic of ever growing importance in the world of business. Today, Technology is a big part of every growing business.

Another decision I am glad I took was, to join SAP 10 years back.

A lot of people and things I have in my life today is thanks to this amazing company. It has supported me with the ups and downs in my life in the last decade.
I am so grateful for it all.

When I aspired to work in a multi-national company, I didn't know what exactly it meant.
Perhaps its the sense of 'borderless-ness' that fascinated me the most.
Now being part of it for 10 years, experiencing it first hand, everyday, I love it.
Despite its inherent complexities.

I recall my days in the Bangalore office when I dialed into conference calls to have meetings with colleagues from 7 different time zones and 4 different countries.

I love having friends from different countries, cultures...

In an environment like this where there are so many differences I believe it becomes pointless to focus on the differences. It becomes easier to look at how similar we humans are at the base of it all.

Thanks for giving me new perspectives and making me feel like a 'global citizen' :)

Life lessons on the court

Each time I play Badminton, I realize how much it can teach you - critical life lessons.

• Learning to make quick calls - to touch each shot (to hit it back) or leave it as it might be going out of the court. 
• Accepting bad/wrong decisions and carrying on 
• Most importantly, loosing a point or two/ a game isn't a big deal. It's important to be there on the court, playing and giving it your best at THAT point in time. 
• For every chance of loosing, there is an equal chance to win 
• Being fully present and attentive - there is absolutely no chance for any other thought to make its way through

The best is, at the end of a tiring, sweaty set of matches, enjoy the feeling of having done something good with your body and mind. 

The aches and pains later remind you of muscles you didn't know existed - so much like the rough times you go through in life with strength you didn't know you had :) 

Home

During my recent long trip to India, I realized I finally have the answer to the question (for now) about where is 'Home' for me...

'Home' for many is by default the place of birth/country of birth/ and most often ONE place that remains rather constant. This does not apply to me. 

At this point and phase of my life, I have two places I call 'Home.' 

1. Bangalore, India 

2. Wiesloch, Germany 

Incidentally neither of these places happen to be associated to my birth. They just happen to be places that make me FEEL like home. 

I find comfort, I feel safe, I feel a sense of belonging contributed by very many factors. 

I was born in Delhi, India but I do not have any affinity to the city anymore. 

I was reminded of the very relatable TED talk of Pico Iyer about this topic. 

The fear

Living far away from elderly parents, if there was one fear that played in my mind, it was that of not being there for them in their last moments.

Perhaps its true when some people believe that your fears often come true cos it uses so much of your energy. Thats what happened. I lost my dad on 7th november, while I was 'busy' with my professional commitments.

That morning when I woke up and got an SMS from him, he told me he wasn't feeling too well. As I was running late for my commitments, I replied, "i'll call later."
The 'later' never happened!

The voice and words of my neighbor informing me of his death on the phone still wakes me up at night. Its etched in my brain forever perhaps.

Its really hard to loose someone that cannot be replaced. The truly 'unconditional' love I received from all along will be something I cherish forever.

Here's to growing up and overcoming (yet another) fear in life. 

Spirituality...

Many people from the 'west' come to India seeking 'spirituality.'

My discoveries along the spiritual path has also been interesting. As always, the values are easy to grasp but very challenging to make them an integral part of one's day to day life. My sincere attempts to do so has SO FAR brought me to a stage where I do not think I can successfully implement each one of them every time because the larger society, norms and templates of right/wrong, good/bad are all wired differently - most often conflicting.

Ironically, a few days ago, I realized that it seems to be relatively easier FOR ME to implement these values in an 'alien' and 'western' country that I live in right now. Strange eh?

• Accept people as they are: It's fascinating that India is such a diverse country but I do not believe there is a national identity to it. In my opinion its also a very divided country. Being married into a totally different internal culture shocked me more of our differences, prejudices than my first experience of being out of my country. These divisions are used and deepened by people with vested interests - so much that the country spends more time discussing differences than similarities and how to bond.

• In contrary, in Germany, my work place has hundreds of different nationalities working together. I have colleagues and friends from different countries and religions. I like them all and there are stronger bonds I feel (despite our differences) than I feel towards some of my fellow Indians.

• Its sadly only a few very special friends back home with who I feel bonded - interestingly, only few are of a similar background as me :)

• Saying "try" causes stress: In India, 'try' is the operating word because it sounds polite. In Germany it's highly appreciated to be honest and give a clear 'yes/no' when its possible.

• Don't be a football to other's opinion: In India, you have to be ready to be labelled as a rebel and many other things to follow this approach. "What will people say/think" is what drives very many decisions.

• In Germany, 'its okay to have one's personal perspective and take a stand.'

"You think more money, bigger house, bigger car is success? Without knowing what success is, everyone wants to be successful," Sri Sri Ravishanker.

I personally never considered this to be the definition of success for me. But many of my friends in India do define this as success.
On contrary, I know people and some of my friends in Germany are the ones who do not. E.g. some do not have a television at home - not because they cannot afford it. But because they choose not to have it. Their success is not defined by the large TV in the living room. Many choose to work less - thereby earn less salary to pursue a hobby that they are passionate about.

Ironically many people like me are termed 'westernized' by my fellow Indians. But looks like some of the westerners are closer (at least at face value) to the spiritual values that are preached in the Spiritual Land of India...

Interesting inter-connections...

Aspirations

Many Indian politicians promise to make Indian cities like, Singapore/Toronto/Shanghai…the inspirations are many. Usually broken promises. Majority of the Indian population always expect the government to bring about this transformation. For political parties its an agenda item. But for resident citizens it's a day to day lifestyle issue and often their role and participation is often not spoken about enough.

Indians made the choice in the last elections – towards ‘development’ –aspiring to lead the lifestyle of the ‘developed’ world. I observe that people often do not realize that behind the comfort and luxuries of the lifestyle of the developed world lie lots of regulations, compliance, adherence trust and most importantly civic responsibilities – which in my view a lot of Indians are not willing to take on themselves. As it will be seen as “loss of freedom.” Example:

• -       In Germany, Sundays are ‘quiet days.’ People are expected to be considerate towards their neighbors and not do things that would disturb. (Indian’s perspective) “I can’t be loud in a common place in my apartment building because of the neighbors? I pay rent for living here. I will do what I want in my house.”
• 
  
• -       People refrain from throwing personal garbage (coffee cups, chips packets etc.) on the streets. There are bins provided. (Indian’s perspective) “It’s the job of the government to clean the streets and pick the garbage (I throw).”
• 
  
• -       Garbage is an important topic in Europe in varying degrees. There are colored boxes for different types of garbage, there are different collectors – some only available on appointment – this ensures the right type of waste is handled the right way and potentially recycled the right way. Thereby ensuring reduced damage to the natural resources – The result of which – clean air, exceptionally clean water are enjoyed by everyone. (Indian’s response) “Oh its such a hassle. You need to pay for garbage disposal?”
• 
  
• -       Safety regulations are also very important in Europe. Neglecting them could have impacts on insurance coverage etc. (Indian’s response) “Seat belts to sit at the backseat?” :-O – Oh. It’s too tight. I can’t move. What a pain.”
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• -       There are regulations on what style to follow for buildings in specific areas, including the types of plants that can be planted, the color of the roof, the color of the satellite dish etc. This is what results in the ‘uniform’ aesthetics that makes that perfect postcards pictures of quaint European towns admired by visitors. (Indian response) “I am paying for my house. I will build it the way I want.”  

Corruption at the governance level is definitely not to be excused or justified. However, in many instances there are clear guidelines, processes and guidelines. All it requires is patience, compliance and honesty. People in India seem to forget that in a democracy the only job of a citizen isn’t that of voting, it’s also being a responsible citizen. Indian citizens residing in India are often quick to point fingers at the likes of us non-resident Indians for not contributing to the success of the country. I’d like to ask, “How responsibly are you performing the duties of being a resident citizen?”

Expat life

As I spend more time here and get insights beyond the obvious of the different aspects of systems, processes, cultures in Germany, I realize it has its own set of prejudices, judgements, rigidities and hypocrisies.

I then realized that I really like living the life of an expat because it allows me to be away from these aspects of my own culture and I can also stay relatively away from those of the country of residence. While being neither here nor there has its negatives, this is perhaps the positive side of it.

I will always be an outsider (everywhere) to be pulled into the depths of the society. Nobody will really care to do so and this makes it easier for me to leave these complexities, move on and focus on more important things in life.

Anyway, populist societal believes are always too black and white, judgmental and templatized while the greater part of life are different shades of gray, uncertain, relative and contextual.  

Media reach

Earlier this week, I surprised myself about my ability to converse in German with a group of elderly Austrians about critical issues faced in India - the new Prime Minister, safety of women in India etc.

While it was no surprise to me that every one knew about the recent elections and the new Prime Minister - his 'hindu bias', I was extremely surprised to learn that this group even knew about the recent rape case in Badaun. While rape in India is now a global news item, I wasn't aware that every such incident was reaching a global audience. This group was aware of the details of this case...

Over the course of the discussion, it struck me that the caste issues associated to this might be the reason this news piece made it international - to reassure the world that India is still ridden with this problem.

These conversations played in my mind long after they were over. Perspectives on the way the world views India is always interesting to me.

Its ironic that given India (so far) functions largely despite the governance, Indians love talking, debating, arguing about their Political points of views. It takes almost nothing to get Indians started on this topic.

In the years I have spent in Germany, rarely have I been caught in a charged up discussion about the different parties, personal preferences, opinions...All that I know about the political parties are mainly through feeding my own curiosity and some light hearted conversations over lunch.
This could be because I am not a local, people might believe I don't know enough to include me in the conversations. But we Indians don't seem to care. We subject everyone to our individual preferences about the politicians, political parties...while the audience sits and observes a fierce debate :D

I was conversing with Austrians about Indian politics. I had absolutely NO clue about Austrian politics. So does India for its exotic and uniqueness get covered more in the International news?
Sure India is an emerging economy. But so is Brazil, South Africa, Russia...what makes media talk more about India (e.g. BBC, Al Jazeera) compared to others?

I wonder...

Inspiration

Starting spring all through good weather days, this old lady religiously comes to work on her piece of land behind our apartment - tiling, planting, weeding, cutting, watering...she spends many hours there and it seems like its something she enjoys. 

People her age back in India rarely do anything that they enjoy at a personal level. They would rarely do anything that involves as much physical effort. The mentality would be that of life coming to an end...

From the way she walks, I can tell she perhaps has troubles with her knees and even her back, yet she does all this back breaking work, all by herself. She inspires me - to be like her when I am that age - find the joy in doing things that interests me...do everything in my control to physically be in a position to do so.

There is often a strange sense of pleasure every time I see her driving up her car to the piece of land, to see her going about her work. I look forward to seeing her :)

How context matters

Sitting in a country that has a crazy history thanks to one extremely crazy man and his bunch of crazy people, I watch the frenzy of fellow Indians towards one man during the 2014 elections, I cannot not think how dangerous this sort of frenzy could become...

In the time I have spent in Germany, I have had a lot of exposure via different sources about its history. How it all started - it all made a lot of sense when it started and the world knows how it all eventually turned out. This is the history which many would like to forget but at the same time its important to remember so such things do not get repeated. 

India is the world's largest democracy. Our older generation went through a lot, fought hard to make the country one. It is also incidentally one of the young countries in the world. Agreed we are not where we could be and would like to be 1947 and hence. But in my opinion, the restless younger generation and those seeking the American dream in India are being a bit ignorant about facts that are important to be considered. 

• With events in 2008, it is quite clear that the American dream is not perfect. 
• The European model of a socialist flavored capitalism is also under a lot of stress. So in my eyes, there isn't any clear winner. 
• Unemployment is not a problem unique to India. It is even a problem in the developed world. Governments in the developed world are also struggling to find solutions for this. 
• A favorite comparison among many Indians is that to the progress made by China. Sure. All credits to China for their achievements. But they are not governed and ruled by the way we are. How would this bunch of youth in India feel if the Facebook and WhatsApp apps did not work on their smart phones? - Think we need to be careful what we wish for and not take our democracy for granted. 
• the governing years of the incumbent has definitely done a lot of harm to the country, but they were elected by the people of the country. So its not fair to project all those years as if they were ruled by some autocrats who refused to budge from their positions. The democratic process (however screwed it might have been) was followed all through.

I am all in favor of giving someone else a chance. 

Given the levels of transparency and corruption, I believe there is no way a common person will ever know the truth behind the riots in Gujrat. Yes, I also know that other parties are not clean of such acts. 

Horrible as it sounds, even if I choose to move on and give this person a chance to prove himself, I think it is important for all of us to be cautious. It is important to remind ourselves that ours is a large complex country with great disparities and one person wielding the stick isn't going to work. 

What India needs are large scale reforms in its policies. Which policies are priority? What changes are they standing for? E.g. 'Obamacare' was very talked about and known from the very beginning. 

Not much details are known about such topics and interestingly not many people are asking. In a talk show with this popular PM candidate, a woman, so enamored by this man that all she wanted to know what who his fashion designer is. Phew!! How would that affect her daily woes? 

I ask myself if I would have thought along these lines if I were not sitting in Germany - very aware of its past... sensing a weird, scary similarity of the rise of one man above his party and other parties...feeling uncomfortable. Uncomfortable because:

• ours is a parliamentary form of government, so it has always been electing a party over a person. In 2014 it doesn't seem so. 
• this person for some (including me) has a stamp of being a Hindu nationalist. I am a Hindu and I do not believe a diverse country like India can afford this
• this person talks about development in a very black and white manner with no emphasis on the sustainability aspects of them or the cost of such development. 
• the man has a reputation of having an authoritative style of leadership. Perception has it, that it worked in one state in the country. But the country is too diverse to be lead along the directions of one man and his definition of progress and development. (Even his own party members are not completely with him in some cases). Taking the entire nation forward in cooperation with warring local state governments is not an easy task. But there is no sense of humility about this humongous challenge. Instead it is arrogance that comes across as if the solutions are all lying in his desk...just waiting for the opportunity to come to power. 

The beauty of our democracy brought a complete newbie to become Chief Minister of our capital city. I hope the beauty of our democracy will also be sane enough to smell it when it is going in the wrong direction and not let one man rule supreme in our life. 

It is famously said, "a country gets the government it deserves." Huh! I wonder...

Identifying by my work

Unlike many parents in India, mine did not push me to be solely academic oriented. Academics were a necessary evil in my life that I needed to get through to survive in the system. I was much better and more oriented to extra-curriculars (sport, music etc).

While this helped me choose a relatively off-beat career like Design (when most peers were studying medicine, engineering, law etc), the system eventually caught up on me in one way - my work became part of my identity. This is further accentuated by the fact that Design also happens to be a an area that I am passionate about - very invested in.

I never noticed how much my work was my identity until now.

In Germany, work and private life has a very clear distinction - one of those cultural differences I found hard to deal with and understand initially but later began to respect.
I observed many friends and colleagues being very dedicated to their job during the hours they spent at work, yet would totally switch off the moment they stepped out and would be ready to wear a totally different hat - that of their hobby/ other interests.

With situations that are now more important to my life, I am beginning to wonder how I could move more in this direction. 

Being an outlier

When I lived in India, I constantly stood out amongst fellow urban, educated, upwardly mobile middle class Indians who always thought everything about the NEW, 'developing' India was great - India is the next super power, Indians are the most intelligent people, the world economy is alive due to India...the world is coming to India...
Not acknowledging the things that work well in the 'developed' world

Now, living as an expat in a 'developed' economy, I still stand out because the locals have the 'developed' world mindset - we invented this in the past, we are leaders in that...
Not acknowledging the growing role emerging economies are playing in the world.

*Sigh* its a hard life being someone with a broader perspective. While at my core I believe this is a good thing to be able to have a balanced view, there are definitely times when I wonder, if it is more peaceful to take a black and white approach to life and be on one side of the journey.

Good riddance to 2013! phew!

I'm not deeply into astrology, but this is what it said about 2013 for Librans:

2013 brings you nothing short of a total rebirth, Libra. You can finally bid farewell to the heavy and austere presence of Saturn in your stars since late 2009.

Well. Rebirth indeed. Life changed permanently for me. My mom boosted my life by donating one of her kidneys to me. A kidney transplant is not an easy treatment to deal with. It is indeed a life changing illness that's now a reality for my life time. 

It's been a rather unpleasant year not only for me but also many others around me :(. It was particularly hard to keep myself from slipping into negativity.

• if kidney donation wasn't enough, my mom suffers a stroke and undergoes another surgery. was very hard for me to see her in her condition through my own recovery process. 
• a friend's father's cancer got worse
• a friend lost her new born 
• a friend lost his father
• a team mate at work passed away of cancer 
• a colleague got diagnosed cancer while being pregnant...

While there were relatively smaller incidents in 2013 that would otherwise have been reasons to celebrate, there were no real celebrations through the year.

Overall, in the process of living life and dealing with everything life has to offer, 2013 has by far been the most testing year for me. 

I am more than happy to be back in Germany - to our (current) home; to our own space and begin the countdown to see this year end.

I know, there's no guarantee that years to come will be better :) 

Is the doctor worried?

If there's one thing I've understood about the German (public) health system, it is:

'If the doctor is worried about my health condition, he/she will act as soon as possible and everything will suddenly start working (almost in a frenzy) and then I have something to worry about.'
If the doctor is not worried, then I should not be worried either.

So long! 

Finding my footing

Returning back to work after a long time is a strange feeling because (as expected) people and things seem to have moved on - without me.

• People have become used to not having me around 
• Ways have been found to get things done without me 
• Some others have taken over stuff I used to do

It's business as usual for everyone else. It's me who needs to find my place again amongst my team - where can I bring value (if so)...it takes time. After all, its true that nobody is indispensable.

"No such thing as bad weather..."

One of the first things I heard from my German friends and colleagues many years ago was, "there's no such thing as bad weather. Only bad clothes."
For someone coming from India where complaining about the weather is a pass time, this was a thought provoking statement. As I spent time in Germany, I even started to see some truth in this statement.

Recently I was back in India and spent many months - spanning multiple seasons. Now I can say,  I do not quite agree with this statement. People start terming a certain weather 'bad' based on multiple factors - their own preparedness to deal with it and how prepared their surrounding environment is to deal with it. Clothes play a very minor role in this. In countries like India where there are serious infrastructural problems, weather is commonly perceived as bad because it starts impacting a person's ability to carry on their day to day chores. Condition of the road, electricity, water shortage etc get seriously hampered with different weather patterns.

Right clothing for weather is something that does not even occur to people.
So, 'bad' is a valid perception of weather indeed!

Back in Germany and to work

After almost 8 months of being away - sick, we got back to Germany on 20th September and I officially joined back work as of 1st October 2013.

This was the longest time I had been away from work in 15 years of my career.

Through this difficult time, it was a blessing to have an extremely supportive employer, extremely supportive and caring team mates n colleagues and an indispensable set of friends n family.

Our family in India was there by our side all through. A couple of months pre and post surgery gave us some quality time with our friends in India too. Despite the distance, our friends and colleagues in Germany were in constant touch and continued to make us feel cared for by their support; small, unexpected gestures and sometimes even some big favors.

• Our friends created a small video to say they missed having us around
• My team sent me a bunch of flowers and a card
• My team mates would often call/ email to check how I was doing
• A colleague saved up a Lindt chocolate until the day I returned back to work
• A huge poster on the wall 'welcome back' and a card, signed by my team members greeted me at my workstation
• ...

Its great to be back in relatively better health. I am looking forward to my health getting progressively better - keeping my fingers crossed. Thank you all for being there for me and caring for me. I am honored and touched.